Reaching Out

This post is dedicated to George Carlin, who passed away last week at age 71. Carlin, more than anything, was a master of words and phrasing. He developed a keen sense for situations and phrases we experience on a daily basis and making us realize how silly they are. An excellent example of this is his monologue on air travel (NSFW: language).

I deal with account representatives from large financial organizations on a regular basis. Now, while not central to the point of today's post, these account reps usually have titles that make them seem far more important than they really are. Some of these titles include "Customer Relationship Manager," "Account Representative, Associate Vice President," and "National Accounts Manager."

Big deal... I'm the vice president of getting stuff done, so there.

Anyway, when I speak with these people, they tend to use obnoxious euphamisms that make every day activities sound like international trade negotiations. Today's feature? Reaching out.

Example from theoretical conversation:

"I understand your concern. Let me reach out to our liaison at Initech to follow up regarding your issue."

They could have said "call," or "e-mail," or even, "Let me get a hold of someone over there," but no, it's always reaching out. I for one, do not want anyone reaching out to anyone else. The phrase reminds me of the old AT&T slogan "reach out and touch someone." As much as I don't want anyone reaching towards anyone else, I certainly do not want them touching them either. Please, keep your hands to yourself! I'm pretty certain that nearly all uses of the word "touching," when used as a verb are grounds for dismissal in most workplaces these days.

So folks, the moral of the story is, don't reach out, and keep your hands to yourself. Here's a nice tool to help you with the former.