Movie Review: "There Will Be Blood" (2007)

Before I start review, I would like to introduce you to the one, quantitative way that I evaluate movies. Most common on the movie review landscape, you'll see thumbs, stars and even the occasional tomato. I, however, evaluate with the most advanced and hard hitting system ever invented.

I call it, The $10 movie scale.

The $10 Movie scale is not simply an "out of 10" rating system like so many others. It instead evaluates the actual worthiness and watchability of any given film. It's quite simple, yet devastatingly effective. Simply put, I rate movies on how much I would pay to see them had I not already seen it. This not only helps you gain a quick summary of my review, but it also immediately aids you in telling you where and when you should watch it. You can adjust the scale to your locale, but here's a basic rundown of the implications of any given rating.

• $10 (or $10+)- evening, first run theater, might even buy the movie when it comes out
  
• $8.50 - evening first run, but understand that you get what you paid for.
• $6 - Good value as a matinee
  
• $5 - Movie rental
• $1.50 - Budget theatre
• $0 or negative values - literally, you would have to pay me to watch it.

In the interest of full disclosure, I did not invent the $10 movie scale, a couple of my co-workers did. I also suppose that it's possible that someone else uses this same system as well, but so far, I haven't met those people.

And now, it's review time!

There Will Be Blood (2007) - $1.50

In my observation, the Academy Awards tends to highlight two types of films. Popular films and crap.. err, "art" films. "There Will Be Blood" seems to fall into the latter of these categories. While it isn't nearly as awful as say "The Fountain" (#1 on my list of films I hate), it seems that it could be compressed from its nearly 3 hour run time to 30 minutes by removing all scenes that don't have any dialog without any major loss of content.

Men, perhaps you have seen this movie. I understand your dismay. Daniel Day-Lewis should have saved you from your loss of manhood during this film, but sadly, he fails to be a hero, a villain, or some likable or even understandable character from any point of view.

The true failing of this movie is that it is not a compelling story in any way. There is no "but then..." moment in the synopsis. I think this movie received its critical acclaim based more on its source material (Upton Sinclair's Oil!) than on its actual merits as a compelling reel of celluloid.

If the movie does have any redeeming quality to it, it would be that I now feel (very slightly) more in tune with pop culture references on SNL.